Yesterday was not a successful day. Not a give up diet type of day but I went to a child's birthday party and ate the cake (but scraped off frosting) and munched on vegies with ranch dressing a bit too much. And I had a salad but with deli meat and eggs and it was a bit too much probably. In any case, my stomach started to look bloated. Sign of overeating a bit.

Except I didn't feel like I pigged out. I'm still taking it easy and eating fairly moderately. But the thing I did not do was work out.

And tonight I had dinner at Seelye's and we had chicken kabobs and vegetables and it was good. I also had a small ice cream cone. The problem now is that I was not satiated and felt hungry still after dinner and it's 10pm and I'm still hungry. I know I will eat something but not sure what yet.

So my calorie reduction is a bit off course. I don't think I'm eating such that I'll gain but I don't think I'm eating such that I'll lose either. So more work on that tomorrow.

Off to eat but not to pig out! And also to drink more water. I think that's fallen by the wayside and that's what makes a difference.

A Mixed Day.

I have mixed feelings about today. On the one hand, I ate wonderfully compared to before I started the calorie reduction program about a week ago. We even went to Denny's for dinner on the spur of the moment and I skipped all the unhealthy greasy choices and went for a personalized grand slam made up of veggie patty, turkey bacon, scrambled egg whites and whole wheat pancakes. They put butter on the pancakes which I scooped off and I eschewed the syrup.

And tonight, I went to the gym and worked up a sweat. My heart rate measured 112 when I checked so it wasn't intense but it felt good and I don't usually sweat and now I'm sweating regularly thanks to the gym workouts. It makes me wonder how my body released toxins stored up in my pores before.

So why the mixed feeling about today? Because while I know I had a great attitude about food and kept the eating in moderation, I still didn't have a low-cal day. I am pretty sure I ate at least 1700 calories today. I am not calorie counting so I don't know but I do guessitmate along the way during the day. And I do want to lose weight, not just change my attitude towards food and to do that I'll have to eat less.

I think I had 200 calories left by the time dinner rolled around and the Denny's meal was probably 700 calories. I was hungry so I ate it all. And now, my abdomen is all round and bloat-y from the meal. I also didn't drink enough today although I tried whenever I thought of it. I doubt 64 oz though. I always forget when I sit down to drink. For example, I had a bottle of water with me when I started this entry and then I moved to my husband's room to blog with less distraction and I didn't bring the bottle of water with me. Forgot all about it until just now when writing about water.

Overall, good progress though so I'm pleased. I didn't give up or forget my calorie reduction plan when faced with a menu with pictures!

Date Night and doing OK

I'm not sure today was a net minus in calories but it wasn't a pig-out either and it could have been. Portion control was in check. We went out to eat at Dumpling Inn and we shared steamed pork buns (dumplings) and a deluxe wonton soup. It didn't feel greasy and I was satiated but not stuffed.

Afterwards though we went to a place to hang out at another restaurant (Tea Garden?) and we felt obligated to buy something. I bought and drank an oolong tea with milk and boba. That probably pushed the calorie equation to a plus today. Otherwise it was probably a good day calorie-wise although I had half a bran muffin during the day.

I am comparing today's eating with how I would have eaten a week ago and by that comparison, it's a resounding success. I think in terms of weight loss, I ate more than I expended but I doubt so much more that it makes a serious dent in the overall scheme of things. I still feel like I made forward progress in that my eating habit of gorging at restaurants has been curbed. That really feels good!

I'm getting so much motivation from Sean's blog. I'm so glad he wrote so many entries and so thoughtfully. They really keep me going. I'm a bit afraid when I catch up with him and don't have so many new ones to read everyday - will I still be so motivated then?

Because I was so sore, I took the day off from going to the gym or doing any kind of exercise. I did a bit of stretching and that was it.

It's not hard to get motivated. When I look at my self sideway 3/4 turn, I look like Humpty Dumpty. I attribute some of it to bloat because of my period but I think a lot of it is my out of shape stomach muscles and fat around my middle.

I never knew if I was the pear shape or the apple shape type they talk about. Now I know. I'm definitely one who accumulates around the middle. Although my thighs and hips and shoulders are no slouch at accumulating!

It was really true, not an excuse, that the reason I didn't exercise was because I lacked exercise pants. One pair of sweat pants developed a hole in the crotch. That reduced my collection of pants I can wear to the gym down to one. The number of pants needed to be much higher to hit critical mass for me to go to the gym regularly. Before, when I could and when the pair was clean, I'd go to the gym.

Now, I have 5 (6 if I can find that one pair I had left) pair of exercise pants I can wear to the gym. My sister helped me shop for them off the clearance rack of Burlington Coat Factory. I would have never thought to go there. What I realize though is I need a couple casual slip on dresses to wear after the gym so I don't have to wear pants and shirt, etc after the shower. I just want to slip something on after the shower and get the heck out of there. Not try to balance on one foot trying to put pants on in the shower.

At the gym tonight I sweated and it felt good. Working out at the gym without a child really reduces the pressure for a quick workout and I can get to a good sweat. And later I can take a nice shower at home if they're asleep. I think night time can work if I can get to the gym at around 8pm so that I don't have such a late night like tonight. Still totally worth it tonight.

Food-wise I was okay but not great. Part of what motivated me to go to the gym. This morning I had oatmeal with half and half. That probably was more caloric than need be. Still, it was fairly good. Then I took the kids to Costco and made my mistake there. I ate a hotdog - bun, ketchup, mustard, relish and onions - all of it. I heard that's like 350 calories or something. And I ate part of Lila's pizza. That's like an additional 200 calories at least. So it was a big lunch. It didn't leave me much for dinner and I was so hungry at dinner time I was feeling headache-y. So while I didn't gorge I did probably eat more than 1200 calories today.

But I'm not calorie counting yet. I mean I do but my main thing is choosing healthy foods, eyeballing portion control and eating until satiated but not totally full. I consciously eat less than I would normally eat - and I drink 4 bottles of water a day - that's my calorie reduction plan. If that's not good enough, if I'm not losing weight with that method, then I will start counting calories.

Today I started my "calorie reduction plan" in earnestness. I did count calories loosely to get an idea but the main strategy I had which I followed through on was to record everything I ate and to dole out small portions to myself.

The only big portions I had were salads. I just love the spring mix we have so I have been gorging on those with just a drizzle of salad dressing and a sprinkle of bacon.

I read Sean Anderson's blog and find it very motivating. I learned from him to keep it honest everyday. No skipping a day. Continued forward movement toward the goal is key.

I wrote on an index card:
Goal: Lose 25 lbs by October 31
Be on everyday - no taking a break. Everyday for consistent weight loss.
Focus on each day.
Nothing worth having is easy.

And reading his blog one tip I hope to keep in mind is to think of the things I can do once I reach my goal. Ie. daydream about what it'll be like.

So today was very successful for a first day. I didn't drink coffee. The half and half is just too caloric so I am skipping coffee.

Worked out at the gym with Benjamin and Lila at Kids Klub area. It worked out, they both said they had fun. Esp. Benjamin. So I think I can take them to the gym at least one more time this week. I'm looking forward to working out again. If not at the gym I want to wake up earlier and jog/walk around the block.

I'm going on a diet. Only I'm not calling it a diet. Because to me a diet is when you try to eat a little less and try to eat a little better. Only to forget a day later that I'm on a diet. I don't know why, I always forget I'm on a diet after a couple days. Sometimes, even after one meal!

I guess because I'm playing games in my head like "I'm going to go low carb so it's okay to eat whatever but just eat low carb." Then while I'm eating if I like something carb-y I'll eat it and change my diet on the fly and say, "I'm going to eat more moderate portions - that's my diet" and then later still, "I'm going to eat more vegetables and less meat" and so on until I forget what my strategy is and that I'm even on a diet. After all, isn't what we eat a "diet" so we're all on a diet.

Today, I told myself I'm going on a "calorie reduction". There, now that sounds like something serious. And I also told myself I'm going to eat more meat and less fat as well. But the main thing is "calorie reduction".

Of course, today I met with my sister Lisa and brother James and we went to a vegetarian buffet restaurant and I ate and ate so that I overate. Fortunately much less to worry about than if I had been stuffing myself with shrimp and beef and pork and chicken but still... The vegetables were cooked in a lot of oil and I think I ate plenty of calories.

How many calories? Now that's my problem with dieting. I HATE counting calories. I'm not a numbers type. I resent counting. I hate looking up calories for foods esp when I eat such oddball things.

So I've just decided. I won't calorie count per se but I will write down everything I eat and that will make me more conscious of what I consume and therefore reduce the overall number of calories I consume in one day. Thus, calorie reduction without mundane calorie counting.

Today, while hanging out at my sister's I tried her blood pressure machine. I tried it twice. Couldn't believe the results and tried it again, and again, and again. The last time I tried it I got 147/84. That was just slightly lower than some of the other readings. So that's high for me because I typically run low on blood pressure. Scared me. Fortunately, a couple hours after our big vegetarian meal when we did a blood sugar reading I was 107. My sister was 124 or thereabouts which was okay but not great but she's diabetic.

And later when I tried on gym pants off the clearance rack for working out at the gym I couldn't believe how I look 5 months pregnant. No wonder some lady asked me a couple months ago if I was pregnant. So I must be the apple type. I gain in my middle. Although all parts of me is expanding as well.

So I'm pretty motivated to lose weight. I've got high blood pressure (for me!) and I look like a 5 month old pregnant woman and I need more energy to clean house. And my heel hurts. I've got plantar faciitis. Oh, and in my sister's bathroom scale it says I weight about 175 clothed. That was my pregnancy weight!

I warned my husband tonight I might get grouchy on a diet and I apologize ahead of time. And I told myself that I will get hungry on occasion, esp. during the first couple weeks when I will want to gnaw my hand or something but that it'll pass and that it's worth it. I want to be normal again. Not this puffed out version of myself. Very odd to look at. So not used to that being me.

I gave my kids the heads up tonight that we'll be working out. Hopefully they'll be okay with going to the gym with me and staying at the Kids Klub section while I go work out.

Let the games begin!!!!

I think losing weight, getting in better shape physically will help me with my goal of getting out of my mess. Losing weight will give me more energy and that's something that's needed in abundance when I'm working on decluttering!

In fact, if I had to pick the one thing that's stopping me from having an organized house, it's lack of energy. I get so tired I just don't have the energy sometimes even if I find the time some days. And it takes extra energy for me to go through piles. It's not just scrubbing the tub or something. It's have-to-focus type energy that I find hard to do on a daily basis.

So my strategy right now is to go to bed earlier. So far that helps some. Doesn't get me through the day, unfortunately but my mornings are perkier.

I also have a strategy for losing weight. More exercise, count calories. More exercise is hard because I lack time where I can go to the gym without the kids. I think the best time of the day for me is first thing in the morning. No excuses of something coming up. And also it feels nice to have one thing checked off as accomplished.

So if I can get to bed earlier, wake up earlier, then I can make it to the gym. So ideally, I'd go to bed at 10pm (hah!) and get up at 6am and hit the gym for an hour and come back showered and happy and ready to get the kids up and fed etc.

So that's something to shoot for. I'm so far away from it now. Bedtime is 11:30 nowadays (better than midnight not to long ago) and wake up time is somewhere between 7am to 8am. Mostly 7:30am, I think but that's after half an hour of trying to get up.

Most days I don't get a shower in the morning either.

So I've just been strategizing. Not getting anything concrete done yet. I think it's pre-day 1 really at this point.

So no sooner do I decide to start a diary to see what's holding me back from keeping a beautiful home than I want to start a weight loss program. I need to lose weight. Badly.

I sat in bed facing the closet mirror while getting dressed this morning and in my state of semi-undress I was shocked to see how I resembled jabba the hut. Really. So now I'm anxious to go to the gym and work out and start a diet.

So here I am now with TWO major projects. Is this how I get nothing done. Trying to grasp two I end up with nothing?

About two weeks ago I stopped nursing. Unfortunately, I eat like I'm nursing. It's really added up quickly.

Meanwhile, I've decided the most important thing about getting out of my clutter situation is to first have the energy. So that means sleeping 7-8 hours a night on a regular basis. So it's earlier to bed for me now. I typically go to bed at midnight but the last day or two I've gone to bed before 11pm. Big difference in the morning. So now around 10:30pm I start my bedtime routine of brushing teeth, etc.

It's 10:38pm - I'm running a bit late tonight. My goal is in bed by 11 and up by 7am. Then eventually in bed by 10:30pm and up by 6 or 6:30am.

Sweet dreams!

So I just created this "blog"

I've been trying to "clean house" for as long as I can remember. My house is a wreck and I can never invite friends over on the spur of the moment. Shoot. Even with 1 day notice it's not enough.

I'd say I need at least 2 days and then there's so much "stashing and dashing" where I just swoop stuff in boxes and then hide it in the bedroom and shut the door that it makes the place more disorganized than before. It's to the point where it's not worth inviting people over for the chaos and stress it creates.

So I've taken classes, read books, hired personal organizers and they get me so far but never over the hump where I can just be in "maintenance mode." So I'm always slipping back. I hate it. It's like dieting, only worse.

The condition of the house is affecting my spirits, my friendships, my social life, my children's quality of life, etc.

I'm starting this blog to change all that for the better. What I noticed is I don't remember why I stop and slide back. So with this blog I can maybe examine what it is that's really stopping me from obtaining a clean house and then tweaking my method so that I can finally live the dream of a clutter-free house!

I confess I hesitate to start a blog because it seems so public. I want to help people with similar housekeeping issues like mine eventually but I also don't want to embarass myself. I want to be honest and open with myself and have pictures here to remind myself of what I'm doing and how far I've come (if I get that far) but I hate exposing myself like that.

I don't know much about blogging so I'm going to have to look and make sure I set the privacy settings right. I did create a blog one time (can't remember which site) but after creating it I ended up forgetting the website! So this is my second attempt. Hopefully it'll go on longer than last time which was all of one day.